Funny Gifts for Coworkers, Approved by HR (a Goose)

Looking for funny gifts for coworkers that will not end up in a drawer? Gary can help. Gary is a goose in a navy tie who runs Honk Industries, and also HR, and also the office Secret Santa. He has reviewed the usual office gifts and found that most of them are mugs.

This guide covers three coworkers every office has: the one who has mentally left for the season, the one who guards the thermostat, and the one whose cat attends every video call. Each gets one shirt with one joke. There is also an auto-reply you are welcome to steal.

What makes a good funny gift for a coworker

An office gift is opened in front of an audience. That changes the rules. The joke has to land with the recipient, the team and whoever from accounts wandered in for cake.

Gary's department checks every candidate against four questions:

• Is the joke about work, not the person? Email, meetings, coffee and the thermostat are fair game. Their haircut is not.
• Would it survive being opened in front of grandma? If not, it is not an office gift.
• Is there one joke, not five? The best gift has one line people repeat at lunch.
• Will they use it after December? Desk ornaments retire early. A good shirt gets worn every Sunday.

The mug fails question four. Gary owns several. He has filed a complaint with himself.

An auto-reply, drafted by Gary, free to use

Thank you for your email.

I am currently out of office until spring. I have access to my email, in the sense that it exists.

For urgent matters, please wait until they are no longer urgent. For everything else, please contact my mug.

Gary
Chief Executive Goose, Honk Industries

Copy it into your own out-of-office and see who reads to the end. Then move on to the gifts.

For the coworker who has mentally left: Out of Office Until Spring

Every office has someone who is technically at their desk and spiritually under a blanket. They reply to everything with "noted". They say "after the holidays" about things that are due on Thursday.

For them, Gary has approved the Out of Office Until Spring goose shirt. The goose on it is holding a mug that also says out of office, which Gary considers a second signature. It is an auto-reply you can wear, and it needs no explanation at the gift exchange.

For the thermostat guard: Thermostat National Park

One colleague controls the office temperature. Nobody appointed them. Nobody has ever successfully appealed.

The Thermostat National Park shirt treats the dial as protected land, with a park badge and the words "Do Not Touch". It suits the guard at work, and the dad at home who does the same job unpaid. Gary has written a separate guide for thermostat dads.

For the cat person on every video call: My Assistant Has Notes

Some coworkers have a second employee. It sits on the keyboard during calls, sends half-finished messages and has never once attended training.

For them, Gary approved the My Assistant Has Notes cat shirt. It shows a cat lying on an open laptop, looking over its glasses. Gary does not usually approve cats. He made an exception for professional conduct.

It also works as a work bestie gift, for the colleague who already knows the cat's name and asks after it in stand-ups.

Secret Santa gifts for coworkers: rules issued by HR

Gary has run the office Secret Santa since he founded the office. These are the rules. They are not suggestions.

1. Stay inside the budget. The budget is the only rule everyone agreed to. Respect the paperwork.
2. Office-safe means grandma-safe. If you would not want it opened in front of the whole team, keep it for someone else.
3. Drew someone you barely know? Pick a joke the whole office shares. Everyone has met the auto-reply and the thermostat.
4. Add a memo as the gift tag. "To: Accounts. Re: Morale. Status: Approved." Sign it from the goose.
5. Order early. Each shirt is printed after you order it. Etsy shows the delivery estimate before you pay; check it against the date of the party.

For more picks sorted by coworker, see Gary's page of Secret Santa gifts for coworkers.

Can you wear office humor shirts to the office?

Gary checked the dress code. He wrote it, so this was quick.

Most offices are fine with them on casual Fridays and video calls, which is where they work best anyway. The safest office humor shirts make fun of the job, never the people doing it. If in doubt, save it for the weekend, when a joke about work is funnier because nobody is at work.

A note from Gary

Gary would like to remind staff that a gift is not a performance review. It is a small memo that says "I noticed you". The best office gifts prove you were paying attention during the year, even in the meetings.

If you still cannot decide which coworker you drew, HR has prepared a short quiz below. Please submit it before the deadline. There is no deadline. Gary just likes the word.