Silly Goose Gifts, Approved by Gary's Gifting Department

Looking for silly goose gifts? Gary can help. Gary is a goose in a navy tie who runs the Gifting Department, a department he founded this morning. He has reviewed the options and approved three goose shirts, one for each kind of silly goose in your life.

Below you will find the family goose, the grandparent goose and the coworker goose. There are also notes on wrapping, and a short quiz if you would like Gary to decide for you.

What makes a good silly goose gift

A silly goose is someone who is a bit daft in a lovable way. A good gift says "I see you, and I approve." It should be funny without being unkind.

Gary's department uses three criteria:

• It has a goose on it. This is non-negotiable. Gary wrote the rule.
• The joke fits the person. A grandparent joke for a grandparent. A Christmas joke for the one who does the lights.
• They can actually use it. A shirt gets worn. A memo gets filed. Both count.

Shopping for goose gifts for her or for him? The same three rules apply. If you would rather browse than read, Gary keeps every design in one cabinet: the funny goose shirts collection.

For the family silly goose

Every family has one person who pulls the Christmas lights out of the box as one large knot and says, with total sincerity, that they were packed perfectly last year.

For this person, Gary has approved the It Came Like This funny goose Christmas shirt. It features a goose and a set of tangled lights, along with the official explanation. Nobody has ever disputed the explanation in a way that held up.

It suits family photos, cookie decorating, and standing beside the tree pretending you did not cause the problem.

For the grandparent who is technically in charge

Grandparents run their own department. Its mission is extra biscuits, later bedtimes and saying yes to things the parents already said no to.

Gary respects this greatly. That is why he approved the I Spoil Them It's Policy goose grandparent shirt. It works for grandma or grandpa, and it settles every argument before it begins. Who can argue with policy?

When to give it

Christmas is the obvious choice. A grandparent's birthday works just as well, and so does a visit where the grandkids hand it over. Gary suggests the grandkids handle it. It looks more official coming from the beneficiaries.

For the coworker who has already left for the season

Some people are at their desk, but their soul is under a blanket. Their calendar says "available." Their face says "spring."

For them, Gary recommends the Out of Office Until Spring goose shirt. It is an auto-reply you can wear. It also suits a mum who has declared cozy season and will not be taking further questions.

Gary has written more on this topic in out-of-office gifts for coworkers. He was not in the office when he wrote it.

How to wrap a silly goose gift

Presentation matters. Gary once received a gift in a bread bag and still thinks about it. You do not have to go that far, but a little ceremony helps.

1. Pick a gift bag or plain paper. Plain paper leaves room for the next step.
2. Write a memo. "To: Grandma. Re: Spoiling. Status: Approved." Sign it from the goose.
3. Add a job title. Head of Lights. Chief Spoiling Officer. Seasonal Hibernation Lead.
4. Hand it over with a straight face. This is the hardest step.

A note from Gary

Gary would like to remind everyone that "silly goose" is a term of affection. It means you like someone enough to point out that they are being a goose.

He has been called a silly goose many times. He considers each one a performance review, and he has passed every single one. If you are still unsure which silly goose shirt fits which goose, the Gifting Department has prepared a quiz below. Please file your answers promptly.